


Interior Decorating

by khilari, Persephone_Kore



Series: Nikola AU [2]
Category: Girl Genius
Genre: F/M, nausea warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-08 19:53:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3221375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khilari/pseuds/khilari, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persephone_Kore/pseuds/Persephone_Kore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Female!Klaus AU. Barry and Nikola (as well as Bill and Lucrezia) have been married for a few years now. Nikola returns early from an adventure, not feeling well, and not in the mood to find out Lucrezia has been treating the Jägers like pets or furniture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interior Decorating

* * *

Nikola knew it was going to be a weird day, even for Mechanicsburg, when she walked into the Black Drawing Room to find Lucrezia arranging doilies on a Jäger. 

She stopped with one hand on the doorway and one on her stomach and then raised the latter to pinch the bridge of her nose, squeezing her eyes shut. She did not want to deal with this level of nonsense. Neither the persistent faintly charred odor of the room nor the outrage was helping her stomach. She opened her eyes again. Lucrezia was still there, Stosh was still on his hands and knees, but his scowl was just that bit more furiously humiliated, and the muscles of his back and shoulders tensed slightly, causing the vase Lucrezia was trying to balance there to rattle. 

"Tch," Lucrezia said. "Do try to hold still." 

Nikola swallowed hard and strode forward, looming over the shorter woman. "Lucrezia, what is wrong with you?"

Lucrezia straightened and spun around, pale and furious. "What are you _doing_ here? I thought you were all off adventuring!" 

They had been. Lucrezia had waved them off cheerfully enough, with Von Pinn beside her holding little Adam, and Nikola had assumed she was planning to spend time in the _labs_. "I came back to--" Nikola began, reaching to snatch up the vase, and then her stomach lurched painfully and she threw up. Again. Partly on Stosh. She cringed internally. At least there wasn't much left at this point and the doily got the worst of it. "That," she said through gritted teeth. "Mostly because of that." 

Stosh got up, looking concerned, and offered Nikola the doily that had been draped over his hat, presumably to wipe her mouth. Lucrezia took several steps back. "They're not with you?" 

Nikola, technically, didn't have the authority to tell Lucrezia to stop _decorating Jägers_ and make it stick, not that this would stop her from saying it. "Oh, don't worry, I'm sure they'll have something to say about this when they're done hunting sewer squid."

Lucrezia's chin came up. "Why should they? I wasn't doing anything wrong." 

Nikola gave her the witheringly incredulous look this deserved. 

"And I'm not staying here to catch whatever you've got," Lucrezia added, and retreated with no apparent shame. 

Nikola would have chased her, but four days of intense nausea had left her too unsteady to do that, at least not while dry-heaving. Stosh held her arm. "Hyu hokay?"

"Believe it or not, I asked the Castle where she was because I wanted a stomach remedy," Nikola said hoarsely. Lucrezia was good at almost anything biological. Nikola was too, and could work quite capably through injury, but contrary to the testimony of almost everyone who knew her she wasn't actually foolish enough to try to compound medicines while nauseated, dehydrated, and very tired unless she really had to. Although right after arguing with her, that might be smarter than consulting Lucrezia. "...I'm really sorry about that," she added. 

"Hoo. Dun vorry." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Hy take you to Mamma Gkika. She'll fix hyu op goot!" 

Nikola had been trying to think of the nearest apothecary, but no, that was perfect, she could definitely stand to talk to General Gkika. "Thank you. Lead on." 

Instead of leading he picked her up and asked the Castle for a fast route, which prompted it to provide them with a long slide ending in the tunnels. She must have looked worse than she thought. "Stosh," she said between her teeth. 

"Yez?" 

"That did not help. Now put me down." 

"Hokay! Ve's here, anyvay." 

...Right. 

Gkika took barely one look and one sniff to sweep Nikola off into a luridly decorated sitting room that might have embarrassed her years ago -- Gkika appreciated the male form, in both its ordinary and its monstrous variations, quite as much as General Zog appreciated its counterpart -- and make her sit down. And she really did "fix her up good": Nikola found herself gulping something that smelled and tasted vile enough to be a hangover remedy and burned all the way down, but hit her stomach and _stayed put_ , for which she was ready to forgive nearly any trivial details of flavor and origin. 

This was followed by ginger-mint tea prepared with what Nikola considered far too much honey, milk, and -- salt. She grimaced but accepted it on the grounds that she probably did need the nutrition and the electrolytes. It tasted less awful than she would have thought, which probably meant she _really_ needed it. 

"Zo," Gkika said, "I vas not expecting hyu back alone." 

"I wasn't planning to be," Nikola said, settling back with a sigh. "I woke up sick in camp one morning." Barry had scrambled after her fast enough to rescue her hair, despite its best efforts. Nikola had inherited fine, slippery, springy hair from her father. Cut relatively short, it gave him the classic, distinguished madboy look of an electrocuted mop. On her it was an escape artist, extricating itself from the most ruthless braids at night and attempting to strangle anyone in the bed. Bill had theorized about last night's fish until she managed to shut him up. She'd thought he was probably right, actually, and expected to get over it quickly. She hadn't. "We headed for the nearest town, where we naturally discovered people were being dragged into the sewers and eaten." 

"Naturally," Gkika said rather drily. 

Nikola grinned tiredly. "We find trouble even when we aren't looking for it. I have theories." 

"Iz simple enough in dis case. Hyu vere lookink before hyu got sick." 

Nikola sipped her tea. "Well... all right, maybe a little."

"Vell, hyu better not go looking for it for a bit," said Gkika.

"I feel much better alread--" Nikola half forgot what she was saying mid-word in admiration of Gkika's ability to loom from a seated position. "Okay, _okay_ , I'll wait until I've recovered fully! I'll probably have to -- Bill and Barry were both mother-henning." She'd growled at Barry that she was not _delicate_ and did not need _help_ just to drive back to Mechanicsburg. Bill had reminisced airily about waking up from a tranq dart after she decided _he_ was being stupid about something similar. "I even had an escort, but I sent him back with our clank already." She gestured with her empty teacup. Gkika took it and filled it up again. "It's probably just a bug. It shouldn't last that long."

"Sveetie, it's gonna last a lot longer den dot," said Gkika, with a sharp but sympathetic grin. "Hyu is pregnant. Be goot und I von't tell der Kestle chust yet."

Nikola's mouth dropped open and, much to her embarrassment, she produced a choked squeak instead of words. Gkika handed the tea back. It was probably a good thing she hadn't done it any sooner; Nikola couldn't imagine having the concoction go up her nose would improve it. "I _what_ \--! But it's--" She counted days frantically in her head. Okay, yes, actually she was late by almost a week now, but she'd been sick the whole time and rather distracted. "--Isn't it supposed to be _morning_ sickness, and kick in at least a little later?" Had Lucrezia even been sick at all? "How unfair." But now that it had sunk in she was grinning.

"Iz different for efferyvun," said Gkika, with the voice of long experience. "Ve tek care of hyu. No veird cures!"

"I don't _always_ \--" Nikola began.

Gkika raised an eyebrow. "Und this time hyu vill not at all."

"...No." It wouldn't be just _her_ at risk of side effects this time and the results could easily be less than funny. Especially as long as it had taken. Nikola had known better than to share worries with Lucrezia and certainly hadn't been about to say anything to Judy -- er, Lilith -- who _knew_ what wasn't working, but she had quietly consulted her mother about whether there had been any issues hooking her reproductive systems up properly. She smiled wryly. "Luckily you seem to have it covered. I've ticked off Lucrezia so I can't ask _her_ for a while." She narrowed her eyes. "On which note...."

"Sometink wrong?" Gkika asked guilelessly.

Nikola pursed her lips. "I should say so. I found Stosh on his hands and knees while she put doilies on him."

Gkika froze for a moment. "Ah. Hy guess she vasn't expectink hyu beck either."

Nikola stared at her. "You knew about this. It--" She stopped and put the tea down carefully so she could clutch at her hair with both hands. "You know about this, so _will you please explain it to me_?!"

Gkika's ears folded down. "Ve iz to do as she asks uz."

Nikola loved Mechanicsburg almost as dearly as she did its current Heterodynes. She really did. She had been surprised at how well she fit -- with Bill and Barry, and again with the Jägers. 

And every now and then _all_ of them made her feel like her head might explode! 

"Tell me," she said, voice vibrating in a low growl, not completely sure whom she was angriest on behalf of, "tell me you do not _actually_ all think Bill wants you to let her _humiliate_ you for her own amusement."

"He vould not like to hear about it," said Gkika.

Nikola eyed her. "No. No he won't."

"Hy suppose hyu have to tell him?" It was not often that a Jäger general sounded pleading, even slightly.

"Gkika." Nikola pinched the bridge of her nose. "This shouldn't be going on." She'd had arguments with people, before, about how their rulers should and shouldn't be treating them. There was something peculiarly horrifying about having one with a Jäger.

"No, it should not," said Gkika solemnly. "But ve allowed it, und now... hyu tell him und vot vill he say to us? He vill say ve should not haff allowed it, dot ve did wrong not to tell him sooner. Easier to bear humiliation vhen only she knows it."

Nikola's nostrils flared. "He will probably apologize," she said deliberately, "for this being done in his name. For telling you to obey someone who'd do that, for letting you think he'd want it extended to stupid, petty orders."

"Ve is not looking for an _apology_ ," said Gkika, agitated. Then she shook her head and tucked a stray bit of hair back behind one ear. "He vill not like us any better for havink to reprimand his wife on our behalf."

Nikola picked up her tea and told herself she was not going to throw it at anybody, especially since Lucrezia wasn't available. Make her _drink_ some, maybe. "He's not going to hold that against you." And if he was unfair enough to try, Nikola would have words with him. Oh, right. "I suppose you've missed most of their arguments."

"Hyu could say dot."

"But you know this is not going to be their first fight by a long shot."

Gkika snorted, but she was smiling slightly. "Ho, yez, but is different vhen it iz _romantic_."

It had crossed Nikola's mind before that Bill's attitude toward conflict and romance might be more classically Heterodyne than he'd be comfortable with, even if it had culminated in a sort of moral rather than military capture. To be fair, it was an important distinction. And Nikola had found a number of the male Sparks they'd fought attractive, even if they were trying to kill each other at the time; she just couldn't imagine wanting to _live with them_. "He always did seem to enjoy that. But no, he's not going to be happy about this one." She sighed and turned the cup in her hands. "But he'd rather be unhappy and stop it than think everything's fine when it isn't."

"Und about vot ve would prefer?" Gkika asked.

Nikola supposed that was a valid question. Did she or did she not have the right to intervene if they preferred to put up with it? (She was going to anyway.) "Gkika," Nikola said, "I can understand deciding to take a draught with a ninety percent chance of dying horribly for the chance to serve your lords basically forever." She arched an eyebrow at the only female Jägergeneral. "Even if you weren't quite what they thought they were looking for. But this is just stupid."

For a moment Nikola thought Gkika was blushing until the red colouring settled as her new tone. Her ears had twitched back, but her response was surprisingly level. "Iz not too schmott, no." She sighed.

Nikola sighed too, over the teacup. "Bill is my friend," she said quietly. "So are a lot of Jägers. Lucrezia's not doing right by any of you. You're not doing right by each _other_ as long as it's kept quiet. I can't leave things like that."

"Mebbe is for the best," said Gkika. "Iz hard on my boys to haff it be for nottink, but iz hard to haff it carry on too. Iz out of our hands." Maybe she even sounded relieved, that it would not be a Jäger making complaint of the Heterodyne's wife, although if so she was trying to hide it.

"Mmm." Nikola looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. She'd known that she and Lucrezia technically had some conferred authority over Mechanicsburg, but she'd never seriously thought about exercising it over the Jäger horde. "I doubt it'll come up in the next few days, but if she gives any more orders like that... just don't."

"Hy'll pass on der vord." Gkika grinned and bent over to pat Nikola's stomach gently. "Der goot news, too."

"Am I even going to get to tell Barry?" Nikola asked, amused. "No, wait, we should let everybody congratulate him before he gets to the Castle, he'll be so confused."

"Hy vouldn't say dot to da boys unless hyu mean it," Gkika answered, colour lightening to pink as her grin widened.

"I know." Nikola grinned back. "Go for it."

* * *

Sewer squid weren't exactly one of the Heterodyne Boys' most difficult opponents. This wasn't to say they weren't _dangerous_ \-- they were strong, tough, well adapted to the dark and wet, and smart enough to have escaped their creator's laboratory and found a refuge. But it was an animal intelligence and lacked the sort of strategic thinking that made many human opponents dangerous. Not to mention the creative inspiration that led Sparks to, for example, design razor-tentacled amphibious squid. 

The rapid reproduction would, admittedly, have been more of a problem if living in a sewer hadn't turned out to be bad for their health. It was a little sad to find dying baby squid. Although it put things back in perspective to find that the thin tentacle twining weakly around his wrist had sliced through his sleeve and marked the armor underneath. And to remember the adults had dragged three dozen people down here, and they ate their prey alive. 

It was just as well the squid _weren't_ any more of a challenge, because Barry was distracted. Bill... was patient with him. "She'll be all right," he said, carefully unwinding a ten-meter tentacle Barry had let tangle him up before taking out the body.

"I know." Of course Nikola would be all right. She'd gone straight back to Mechanicsburg in a well-armed clank, and Dr. Sun could handle just about any illness. But he'd rather have been on hand himself. 

They finally satisfied themselves the sewers were squid-free and were able to accept the thanks of a town that, while grateful, would never again imagine the Heterodyne Boys to be exactly _glamorous_. It was about that time their clank jogged back into town with Nikola's escort, who looked rather taken aback when Barry ran up to him. Probably it was the smell. "How is Nikola?" Belatedly, "And are you all right? No symptoms? We haven't had any, but you were in--"

"I'm fine," the man said hastily, leaning away. "She was still sick, but she went straight to the Castle." 

"She was supposed to go to the Hospital," Barry said, exasperated. Just like Nikola. Oh well, if she were really in a bad way, the Castle would _deliver_ her to the Hospital. It liked her style. She critiqued its pit traps. "No, I'm not blaming you, you couldn't have made her do it." 

"Barry." Bill tapped his shoulder. "We have been generously offered a bath. I think we'd better take it and get home." 

They did that. It was more a relief than usual to reach Mechanicsburg. They stopped just inside the gate to get out of the clank and stretch their legs, and Barry reflexively glanced toward the Doom Bell as if the Castle might ring it uninvited (it had assumed, the first time they came back from Beetleburg). 

He was expecting tourists. He was _not_ expecting a grinning Jäger to pop out of the crowd and bellow, "Congratulations, Master Barry!" 

"Uh, thank you," he said. "For wh--" The Jäger was gone. He turned to Bill. "That _was_ Jorgi, wasn't it?"

"Yes," Bill said. "That's odd. I'd expect him to hang around and explain." 

Barry glanced back up at the clank as the crowds closed in on them again, but it wouldn't be all that much faster. Something about leaving one's own town apparently caused most people to completely abandon the concept of _getting out of the way_. Well, no, that wasn't entirely true; they remembered it enough to let carts through. And if it were an emergency the right kind of shout would probably clear the way fast enough. 

"Voohoo! Congratulations, Master Barry!" This time it was André, who scattered a significant number of tourists and caused the rest of them to squeeze closer around Bill and Barry in alarm, because obviously making sure they _couldn't move_ would help if there were a genuine threat that they couldn't just order off. André retreated as fast as Jorgi had. 

"Okay," Bill said, looking altogether too entertained, "what have you been up to that I don't know about?"

"I honestly have no idea."

"Congratulations!" Barry couldn't even make out who had just popped out of a chimney, what in the world....

"Well, clearly _I_ wasn't involved. Maybe Franz's flying machine?"

Barry stared at his brother. "What? We finished testing that ages ago!" 

"Well, you could have made some changes...." 

"Congratulations!" 

A little girl was bold enough to tow her father around and between people, and then went suddenly shy upon finding herself right in front of them. Barry smiled at her and she said, "What are they so happy about?"

"Making me wonder that very thing, apparently," he said. 

She giggled. 

"Congratulations, Master Barry!" 

This went on the whole way to the Castle, including the last steep causeway, where most tourists had sense not to pursue them and the rest eventually fell behind when Bill and Barry didn't actually slow down for the slope. 

The great doors groaned open and the Castle boomed, "Welcome home, Masters!"

They stopped dead in the doorway. " _You're_ unusually enthusiastic," Bill said. 

"Oh, am I? Well, I have been looking forward to this," said the Castle, in a coy tone that made them tread carefully going in.

Barry exchanged a look with his brother in between keeping watch. The Jägers' cheer hadn't seemed malicious, but the Castle anticipating something was worrying. The literal house of the Heterodynes was devoted to the metaphorical one -- Bill had even quietly asked it to keep an eye on Lucrezia, when she first moved in -- but they had, to put it mildly, philosophical differences. Barry sometimes wondered if it would just as soon they slipped up with one of the traps and leave it to raise Adam itself. 

Nikola appeared from the side of the hallway, grinning, and Barry abruptly breathed easier. "You look better," he said. "Are you going to let on what I've apparently been up to?"

"I certainly hope you haven't forgotten," said Nikola, hugging him, "but it is time I let you in on the result." All the same she hesitated for a moment and stepped back from him, still with her hands on his arms, to look him in the eyes. "I'm pregnant."

And with that everything suddenly made sense. Bill whooped, and Barry hoisted Nikola into the air and spun her -- she picked her feet up, laughing at him -- before pulling her in for a kiss. "Really? It can't have been long--?"

"Less than a month," said Nikola. "But Gkika's sure of it."

"...I guess she would be." He wouldn't have thought of asking her, but he wasn't surprised Nikola had. "I'm sorry our baby disagrees with your digestion, though."

Nikola grimaced, but couldn't suppress her smile for long. "I'm hoping it won't do this for the whole pregnancy."

"I hope not too." He paused, looking up into her eyes. "....But please, no experimental cures. I'm sure we can come up with something that's already been tested." Nikola was possessed of more common sense than most Sparks -- Barry did not except himself -- but it didn't necessarily extend to when she wasn't feeling well.

"Am I going to be warned off that by everyone?" said Nikola. "Really, I wouldn't risk the baby like that."

"Only everybody who's heard you insist the latest concoction is going to be _fine_ on the first try." He grinned at her. "But how many other people can have--" He paused.

The same thought had struck Bill. "All the Jägers, by any chance?"

Nikola laughed. "I told you Gkika knew. She spread it around to cheer everyone up. Did they have a good time waylaying you?"

"They certainly seemed to," Bill said. "Did they particularly need cheering up?" Beyond the usual discontent that _somebody_ was hogging all the adventures....

"I need to talk to you about that," said Nikola, looking suddenly serious. "Lucrezia's been decorating them and you really have to tell her to stop."

Bill opened his mouth, stopped, and then looked at Barry in case this had actually made sense and he'd just missed something. Barry honestly couldn't help him, and after a moment Bill said, "She's been... what?"

"I caught her putting doilies on Stosh,” said Nikola. "I know it sounds stupid, it _is_ stupid, but she seems to think Jägers make good coffee tables."

"That seems to go into a whole other category," Bill said. "I -- why would she -- no, start over, why would they stand _still_ for it?"

"Because they love you and liked the idea of nobly suffering in silence for you," Nikola snapped, with annoyance that seemed aimed at Bill and the Jägers equally.

If it had been anybody but Nikola, if Bill had been at all on his guard and _thinking_ about what he said, he probably would not have blurted, "You've got to be kidding."

\--Barry had been _thinking_ it, but he still had to resist covering his face.

Nikola drew herself up to her full impressive height, eyes flashing. "I am _not_ kidding. Lucrezia is treating Jägers as furniture because she enjoys humiliating them -- there is something really wrong with her and _you_ \--" she jabbed her finger sharply at Bill "-- should have noticed. The Jägers are also nuts of course, because the _whole of Mechanicsburg_ is where Heterodynes are concerned, and were stupid enough to decide you'd rather they suffered than hear anything against your wife. Which is extremely frustrating of them, but also something _you_ shouldn't have allowed them to think. Just because they're not loyalty conditioned doesn't mean they're not dependent on you and you spend enough time taking care of everyone else's monsters. And the result is an incredibly _stupid_ situation that I stumbled over while trying to find a cure for nausea and that _someone is going to resolve_."

Barry saw Bill's face set into tired determined lines that looked less strange now that Bill was forty instead of sixteen, and closed his eyes. Nikola was _right_ \-- it never should have happened -- but Mechanicsburg sometimes felt like... the one argument they could never win. Even if everybody did exactly what they said. Like _Do what Lucrezia tells you._

"You're right," Bill said. "I shouldn't have let them think that. I -- am less surprised by Lucrezia wanting to humiliate people, unfortunately, although that's not how I would've expected it to come out."

"I don't think anyone could have expected that," said Nikola, still grumpy but no longer growling. "It certainly took me by surprise."

"I'll talk to her," Bill said. "...And I'll tell the Jägers... I'll figure out what to tell the Jägers."

"That you don't want them humiliated for anybody's amusement, including hers," Barry suggested, because Bill was probably working his way over from _you don't actually have to listen to her_ , which was a little too sweeping.

"That's definitely a start," said Nikola.

"You have ideas," Barry said. She usually did.

"Take them somewhere," said Nikola promptly. "Not to a town, I know that would be a disaster, but next time you're chasing someone to their secret lair in the Pyrenees or in a sea grotto or something. I know it's harder than clarifying orders, but they'll be less likely to find stupid ways to prove their devotion if they've got sensible ones."

Bill looked thoughtful and then chagrined. "It might not even have to be that far. A few times I actually persuaded Father we should go hunting monsters or renegade clanks instead of raiding," he said, as if he'd just remembered. "We could probably sweep some of the nearby valleys."

"That would be good," said Nikola.

"And staying within a day's journey back will let Barry indulge the urge to hover," Bill said. 

"Hey!" 

"And rub your feet and things until you feel better or get fed up with being fussed over--"

"Just because you're about to get in a fight with _your_ wife doesn't mean you have to make up ones for us," Barry said. Which was perhaps too harsh a response for the teasing. 

Bill glanced over and Barry grimaced in apology. "I'd better go get to that," Bill said. "Thanks, Nikola. And congratulations."

"Good luck," said Nikola. She smiled, hand settling unconsciously over her belly. "And thanks."

* * *


End file.
